Oh Hati :((

Imam Shafi`i on his death-bed was asked by Al Muzni "What is your condition?"

Then Imam Shafi' (رحمه الله) replied,

"I am journeying from this world, and departing from my brothers, drinking from the cup of death, and upon Allah, Exalted is His remembrance, arriving. And no! By Allah, I do not know if my soul is travelling towards Paradise or the Fire!"

Imam Shafi' (رحمه الله) then began to cry profusely and recited the following;

'To You, the Creator, I raise my longing,

And even if I am, O possessor of kindness and generosity, an evildoer, a criminal

When my heart became constricted and my paths became narrow,

I took my hope in Your pardon and forgiveness as an opening and an escape

My sins seemed very great to me but when I compared them to Your forgiveness,

I found Your forgiveness to be much greater

You are and still remain the only One who can forgive sins,

You grant and forgive out of Your benevolence and generosity

Were it not for You, then a servant could never defy Iblis

And how can that be when he mislead Your friend Adam

If only I knew! Will I arrive at Paradise that I may take delight

Or at Hellfire, that I may regret?

How capable is Allah! For the one acquainted with lament,

blood almost flows from his eyelids due to the excess of his emotions (lament)

He stands when the night extends out its darkness

Stands against himself out of extreme fear, sinful

Eloquent when he makes mention of his Lord

And in the mention of others than Him, he is speechless

He remembers days gone by of his youth

And what was in it of ignorance, he was a criminal

And so for the whole of his day, the companion of grief has become

the brother of sleeplessness and secret conversation when the night darkens

He says, 'My beloved, You are what I request and desire

You are enough of a longing and benefit for those who have hope

Are You not the One who has provided for me and guided me

And You have not ceased being gracious to me and full of favours

Perhaps the Beneficent One will forgive my mistakes

And cover up my crime and what has gone forth

My sins seemed very great to me, so I turned (to You) in humility

Were it not for my contentment in you, I wouldn't, O my Lord, have seen any comfort at all

So if You forgive me, You would have forgiven a sinner,

A rebellious, oppressive tyrant still sinning

So if You were to seek revenge from me, I would not despair

Even if they entered my soul into Jahannum, due to the sins

For my crimes are great, past and present

But Your forgiveness comes to the servant, more exalted and more great

The bounty of Allaah surrounds me from all sides

And Light from the Most Merciful has spread in the sky

And in the heart is the radiance of the beloved when he is reunited

And when glad tidings draw close, it becomes feverish

Exhilaration surrounds me, only for Allaah

It overlooks me in the darkness of the grave, apparent and clear

I protect my love, lest my desires should pollute it

And I preserve the contract of love, lest it be defiled

In my wakefulness is yearning and in my slumber is destiny

That's pursuing my footsteps in ecstasy

Whoever holds fast to Allaah, he is protected from men

And whoever hopes for Him, then never will he regret..